Please, I need serious advice.I beat up my wife and my mother-in-law, now the villagers are asking me to produce 18 cows, 17boxes, 72 gallons of palm wine and 120 pieces of wrappers. I was just laughing because they were automatically asking me to divorce my wife.

After the ugly incident, she left my house with her mum and took my kids too. The reason I beat my wife and mum in law up was because they ganged up on me. Every time I come back from work, I will see this particular young boy that claims he is coming to see my mum in law but it was my wife he was visiting. I don’t know the business they were having but I was not comfortable with a young boy with sagged jeans always in my house and influencing my kids. So, I spoke to my wife and mother-in-law but they won’t listen. My wife will insult me and her mum will follow, in my own house!

My mother-in-law only came visiting is not like my wife just had a child, just to cool off in my house was what she came for yet, she can’t give me common respect. This continued for a long time, coupled with insults every day and how my wife told her am not good in bed and blah blah blah. So on that day, I was just coming back from work, nobody was at the gate, on getting into the house I met that same little boy eating in my house. I pulled out my belt and started beating him, my wife and mother-in-law came to hold me down, out of anger I added both of them to the beating and flogged them with my belt mercilessly. It was when my mother-in-law fell down that I realised myself and quickly stopped then rushed her to the hospital. My wife kept fighting me even as I was driving, the foolish boy ran away. So please tell me, do you think I should provide the items or let go of the marriage?The money for the items can marry me another wife and added concubine. My wife said she will not step foot in my house again except I provide the items. Please, I need all your opinions. I did not add any salt to this story, this is the plain bitter truth. (Culled from Break_or_makeup)

To be frank with you,

What kind of being does that? Like are you a human being or an animal? Even some domestic animals don’t behave the way you described your actions. I don’t believe you feel remorseful for what you did. You committed a disgraceful act. How can you flog your mother-in-law? an older woman for that matter. You don’t have respect for her age?

You sound like a misogynistic male when you write that you can marry more wives and even concubines. What callousness?  Any man that raises a hand on a woman is not worthy to be called a husband or even a man.

Any man that raises his hand to hit anyone around me (siblings, mother, relatives, friends, strangers) will hear from me that day. I don’t understand why most men celebrate hitting women. It is so stupid to hit a woman no matter the provocation. No matter what and I mean it, NO MATTER WHAT! Who in their right senses pulls out a belt on an animal? not to talk of a human being, a loved one for that matter.

Back to the sagged jeans guy which you said was your reason for beating the women in your life up. Did you try to speak to the guy and find out his mission in your house? Have you had any reason to feel there was more to his visit? I believe this could have been sorted by you and the guy since your wife refused to listen to you about this guy. And now because of the guy, you have caused a nuisance of yourself by doing the unimaginable. You and your wife lack communication and respect for each other but I doubt it because most men believe they are entitled to respect but don’t give that back to their partners. Mother-in-law wasn’t supposed to be involved in your arguments with your wife if both of you handled your issues privately. For me, I don’t like when mothers or family members interfere in their children marriage especially when there is a problem between the couple. Couples are meant to talk and solve their problems by themselves that is why it is called ‘COUPLE’ not EVERYBODY. People do not understand what marriage is all about before jumping into it.

I don’t think it was right for you to hit the guy but it would have been better if you had talked to him. Everyone deserves to be respected, you, your wife, mother-in-law and even the guy. This event may have happened because there is already a problem in the marriage and heated arguments and then you took that particular opportunity to unleash the dragon in you.

Providing the items doesn’t mean that you regret the actions you took. Where I come from it is a sacrilege for a man to beat up his mother-in-law. Are you more concerned about the items or about the gravity of your actions? How will you mend the relationship between you and your in-laws? How will you correct your mistake and never repeat such act? Do you think that you deserve to be a father that your children will be proud to look up to? Both you and your ‘wife’? You need a rethink and also book a visit to psychologist and psychiatrist to make sure that your mental capacity is okay. It doesn’t look like everything is okay.

The ball is on your court biko. I’m out of here.


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